I have been MIA lately due to germs. Ear infections and a stomach virus made the rounds through me, my husband and all four kids. We ate cereal and chicken noodle soup for days on end. It was cataclysmic. A fecal jihad.

Now, having Lysoled and disinfected, we are OK … I think. Knock on everything.

On to my ideas! I have noticed something about myself. I will eat anything not nailed down from 3:30 p.m. until dinnertime. I graze like a cow, or maybe a bear right before hibernation. It is the most amazing thing. I have tried to put myself in a “No-Fail Environment,” meaning no junk food, nothing that would be fun to eat, but it doesn’t help. I stare at the cabinets, willing something to appear.

Enter the next player: my Keurig. We don’t use it much, because it’s not cost-effective for our family, so it stays out more as a reminder of future dreams than an everyday appliance.

But last week, I bought K-cups on sale.

At 3:30, in the height of my mania, I’ve started making myself one indulgent cup of exceedingly too expensive coffee. I follow it up by brushing my teeth with an expensive whitening toothpaste.

Does it curb my cravings? Somewhat. The more important thing is that it psychologically stimulates me. I have had an uber-expensive cup of coffee, followed by a whitening treatment! Do I want to screw that up by eating?!? No!!

It is where my money meets the road. I am cheap, but vain.