No sugars or grains. No dairy or legumes. Yep, I’m doing the Whole30 for the next 30 days. Here’s how things are going: 

According to The Whole30 Timeline, most people feel hungover and headachy on Days 2 and 3. I was fine on Day 2, probably because I’d already been dialing back the sugar. I had leftovers for breakfast and dinner. Mom made me a Whole30-compliant lunch. I was thinking, “Hey, this isn’t going to be too bad.” I just felt a little sniffly and worn down and tired. That tired you feel when you’re catching a cold and you’d like Blythe Danner to tuck you into bed and read Goodnight, Moon.

Today, things got real.

At about 6 p.m., I got way too hungry. I hadn’t planned for dinner, because we were going to a party, so when I opened the fridge, there wasn’t anything substantial except the leftover pot roast I’d eaten for lunch and the previous night’s dinner. And, Dude, I didn’t want that pot roast again. Something snapped, and I started taking it very personally that I couldn’t just order a pizza on a Friday night LIKE AN AMERICAN. And then Jeff came home with some party food that I couldn’t eat, and things went down exactly like this:

OK, not really, but I felt like my brain was cranked all the way up to PMS DEFCON 1. So I sent Jeff to the party, and I stayed home and cried during Parenthood. Because Joel and Julia, y’all.

What I Ate on Day 2:

• Breakfast: Veggie omelet (no cheese) with sautéed onion and bell peppers and a banana
• Lunch (for my dad’s birthday): Steak, baked sweet potato, salad, and strawberries
• Dinner: Barbacoa Pot Roast (from Brandon and Megan Keatley’s Primal Cravings) with steamed broccoli and snow peas tossed with extra-virgin olive oil

What I Ate on Day 3:

• Breakfast: Veggie omelet with sautéed onion, bell peppers, and mushrooms and a banana
• Lunch: Leftover Barbacoa Pot Roast on an avocado half, plus an apple
• Dinner: Even more leftover Barbacoa Pot Roast and a baked sweet potato